“Let’s (not) talk about our feelings” is what we often hear.
Progress is a relative term. In our modern progression toward gender equality and society’s focus on the liberation of gender roles, over time, men have started to express their feelings more openly. In fact, male emotional availability is encouraged in modern society.
One need only look at the abundance of women’s’ magazines instructing the reader on how to get their man to show his feelings and talk about his inner thoughts. Remember that episode in Friends where Rachel (Jennifer Anniston) kept pushing Paul (Bruce Willis) to express himself so she could feel more connected to him?
And though it might be well-intended (or perhaps not so much if the goal is to get enough intel on a guy to see if it’s someone you’d want to continue pursuing), it’s important to remember that some people (generally guys) just don’t like to talk about their feelings, and that’s okay.
It may feel more natural to us women to reflect deeply, contemplate life, express our feelings and experiences, and talk it over with girlfriends, but with men (or anyone who is emotionally reserved really), we need to respect a different set of boundaries. Sometimes pushing for answers when someone isn’t ready for it or isn’t open enough yet to share creates unnecessary pressure and is the least kind thing to do. The need to satisfy our curiosity or expectations is just not as important as to one’s readiness and openness to express themselves.
For a deeper understanding, I had conversations with a few significant men in my life, including my father (a marriage and family-focused life coach and counselor), my husband, my mentor, male teachers, male Reiki practitioners I’ve trained, male friends with various life experiences, male wellness practitioners in my field, and energy healing clients that are men and this is what I’ve deduced:
Men need relief from fashionable expectations:
It is not that men have been conditioned to hold these thoughts inside by persisting traditional sensibilities. Although some men may have that experience, as many more simply have no compulsion to share their inner feelings. Where can these men find shelter in a society that is losing its tolerance for their natural tendency to keep that part of themselves to themselves?
The human spirit does not hold itself accountable to current societal trends, only to inner truth. When a man feels obligated to expose himself in a way that feels uncomfortable to him, little positivity can be gained. Submitting oneself to appease another gives no real relief to anyone involved.
Men express themselves in different ways:
The thing to bear in mind about these stoic men is that in most cases, they are not averse to expressing themselves. Often, they are among those most willing to share their opinions on any number of matters. They are happy to speak rationally and at length to people, including their significant others. It’s just that when they feel troubled or hurt, they prefer to deal with those feelings quietly.
If no issue is made of their choice of how to cope with their emotions, they are content to manage those thoughts and feelings in a healthy but private way. However, there can also be times of overwhelming emotion, such as in grieving and other traumatic experiences, where these men do acknowledge the need for an outlet to their pain.
Men desire a meaningful connection that goes beyond words:
When it comes to emotional and spiritual healing, these men can and often do have a strong urge to seek out sources of relief. Given their inclinations, the help they desire does not take the form of a conventional session of verbal therapy. Instead, they gravitate toward an equally therapeutic method of treatment that does not necessarily require them to divulge a single word or up-fronting tears and it may come as a surprise to you, but it’s energy healing. The most popular form to date is Reiki, however, there are also quite a few other advanced energy healing practices.
The experience of energy healing can be just as profoundly moving and restorative as others may get from “talking things out”. The quiet connection between a client and his focused energy healer can be extraordinarily powerful, as deep spiritual energy is channeled into and from his body and mind.
The intense flow of energy channeled by a professional Energy Healer can manifest itself in intense physical and mental feelings of wellbeing, alleviating pain, and resolving inner turmoil. This experience transcends to a higher plain of comforting interaction, one that touches the soul itself. Energy healing can reconnect you with a greater spiritual vitality than mere words can express.
When men come into my studio for an energy healing session it usually starts off about the same. They walk in, are generally reserved, and have a little amount of information they want to share before we move onto the energy healing treatment. After our brief discussion, they lay down onto my massage bed, close their eyes and pretty much just want to turn off from all distractions so the treatment is quite a silent experience. However, at the end of the treatment, the first thing most, if not all of my first-time male energy healing clients say is, “Whoa, that was great. I feel, lighter, relaxed, and as if someone just literally went inside me and removed all the negative emotions in my body.” Then comes a flood of excitement along with questions about how energy healing works. Many more doors in their healing journey open, and more importantly, these men come to a realization that they are now ready to walk through one or a few of them, and do.
Experience deep healing without subjecting yourself to questioning
The process can be truly transformative. There are effective pathways to healing outside the realm of our physical ability to verbalize. We are spiritual beings as much as we are flesh and blood, and the conduits to healing in our world are not constrained only to the connection between a voice and an ear. The miraculous triumphs of humanity are a testament to this undeniable truth.
Therapy and healing are acts of will and intent between patient and therapist that may take a variety of forms. A session of Reiki or Intuitive Energy Healing can be super potent as it heals on a holistic level by itself, works well while supporting medicine, rejuvenates even more vigorously than a massage or meditation (as the experience can take you into slower brainwaves), and heal as completely as the greatest breakthrough made in any conversational therapy.
If you or your emotionally reserved loved ones (i.e. partners or dads) prefer a quieter way towards healing emotions, physical pains, and discomforts, or to support mental health, energy healing may be exactly the right therapy for you, with a safe and trustworthy energy healer with your interests at heart (check out our guide to “Finding The Right Reiki Practitioner For You” for reference).