Anger is perhaps one of the most obvious emotions. Anyone can tell if someone is angry, even without a loud voice. Non-verbal cues are written all over a person’s face and body language. But what we don’t see is all the emotions underneath. For anger to be healed, we need to determine its root cause like any other issue.
(Image created by The Gottman Institute)
Anger is compared to a tip of an iceberg. The tip symbolizes anger which everyone can see. The tip is only 10 percent of the iceberg, 90 percent of it is hidden below the surface of the water. Beneath the anger is more complex hidden emotions which usually include fear, sadness, insecurities, guilt, frustrations, feelings of disrespect, and hurt pride. So when someone is angry or if you are angry and you are not certain of the reason, try to think of the anger iceberg. Anger is just a symptom of the real issue.
For example, a mother of two little kids suddenly felt like she had an anger issue as she easily would get mad over little things. It was out of her character, and she soon realized that she was just very stressed and frustrated that she could not do all the things she used to do. She was also feeling guilty that she wasn’t giving enough time for her kids and husband. Anger was not the problem. Her tendency to get angry over little things was brought by other unexpressed emotions. Underneath her anger was a mixture of frustration, stress, and a feeling that she wasn’t good enough as a mother and wife. So her anger was formed by that disappointment with herself and protected her from her raw feelings. Acknowledging this helped her communicate her true feelings to her husband and she was finally able to share her burdens.
How You Can Release Anger: Tips To Consider
When you learn to acknowledge anger as not only a basic, valid emotion, but also as a protector of our vulnerable feelings, you can start healing conversations. You can address your anger issues appropriately and if you learn to recognize another’s anger as something deeper, like pain, you can take a more compassionate and empathetic approach, instead of responding defensively. Here are more specific tips on healing anger:
Accept that you have anger. It’s okay to be angry. Even the most seemingly perfect person who looks like he or she has their shit together gets angry sometimes. Being angry doesn’t make you less of an angel. It’s a natural emotion we all feel like living beings. Self-acceptance is one of the best ways of acknowledging this emotion. Stop saying “I’m fine” when you’re not. Stop responding “I’m okay. I’m good.” when someone you trust asks you “How are you?” Stop pretending all is well when it’s just plain not. The more you do it, the more you’re denying the anger and all the other negative emotions that come with it within you. Recognizing that you have this raw anger is a healthy step forward.
Understand what triggered the anger. From your knowledge of the Anger Iceberg, you can ask yourself, where is this feeling coming from? Pay attention to the factors (like feelings, thoughts, and experiences) that led you to get angry. This will also make it easier for you to determine specific triggers in the future.
Determine what’s going on beneath the tip of the iceberg. Once you know the trigger, you can get to the cause of the deeper emotion and address that. If its insecurities, for instance, you may have to revisit past experiences or look at limiting beliefs you have about yourself. Ultimately, you have unpacked your anger to better understand yourself. From a metaphysical anatomy perspective, stored anger could create long-term issues in your body such as chronic lower back pains, liver issues, hormonal imbalances such as polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), or even fibroids and if left unattended, they could potentially manifest into more significant diseases or illnesses.
Find ways to keep yourself calm on a day-to-day basis. While anger is a valid emotion, it must not become destructive. You still need to soothe yourself and regulate your emotions. You can take a walk, take deep breaths or do something more physical like exercise or gardening.
Alternatively if you’re keen for a little extra support, Reiki or Intuitive Healing helps with releasing the anger in your body whether or not you have acknowledged it. It’s the beauty of energy work. Energy healing detects energy blocks that have been formed in the body from repressed or suppressed negative emotions such as anger. It works by identifying those blockages, diluting the emotions there or releasing them from your body, ultimately helping you rebalance your body and clearing the pathways internally for better and more efficient energy flow. You can read more about the difference between Reiki and Intuitive Healing here and see which type of energy healing would be more suitable for your needs. In short, Reiki is helpful with anger that comes and goes, and Intuitive Healing for someone who has a lot of anger to process or maybe experiencing more complex emotions that may impact his or her daily thoughts and behaviour.
Redirect your energy to something productive. Anger is consuming. It makes you exert a lot of energy. But instead of getting wallowed in negativity, why not channel it into doing something productive like contributing to a cause or learning a new skill. And just to be clear, we’re talking about redirecting, not repressing your anger. Don’t get the two confused!
Behind anger, there is a reason, and even though it is a valid emotion by itself, we must keep in mind that anger can also be a symptom of other concealed emotions that need to be validated or addressed. The sooner you heal from the anger you feel, the sooner you’re able to enjoy the holistic benefits of it including (but not limited to) inner peace, heal from specific health issues, free up your mental space and feel much better energetically.
