There’s no denying the power that comes from women supporting other women – success simply comes naturally. A bond of friends and sisters joining together to hoist each other up can result in big, amazing things.
However, the world is not always ideal. No matter how much we strive to see each other as a supporter and a sister, there will be times when feelings of envy, competition, and jealousy towards female friends can overcome us.
Especially when one of our female contemporaries seems to have it all – looks, personality, relationship, and great career.
How do we let go of envy, stop jealousy, and overcome competition so we can give way to true, genuine female friendships? And by the way, for the purposes of this blog article, we’re focusing on these relationships between women (not to say that men don’t get envious or jealous).
Making Positive Comparisons: Fueling the Good
Feelings of comparison, envy, and jealousy are natural emotions that trigger easily. When taken positively, these feelings can result in more desirable actions.
Of course, there will be women who will be ahead of you; women with a sure life path; women who seem to have already figured out how to be successful in everything that they do. Women who seem to have it together. But don’t forget, the grass always seems greener on the other side, but we don’t truly know what another person is going through. We might find something ridiculously easy to do, while another person finds it extremely difficult, or even traumatic. Our experiences are our own and a life challenge is posed to us for a reason. It is tailored to make it difficult for each of us individually, so at the end of the day, there’s really no need to compare ourselves with anyone, especially mothers, girlfriends, sisters, female colleagues, who could instead, really have your back and be your best supporters. If we let our negative emotions prevail, it’s easy to feel jealous and envious. Obsessively focusing on another’s success can make it easy for us to see our life as inferior and unsuccessful.
But feelings of comparisons can be used to fuel more positive emotions.
I recently talking to a girlfriend of mine who practices as a mindfulness coach. She shared how she went through a tough time comparing her life with her accomplished, beautiful, vivacious, always-had-dates sister.
It wasn’t until she used her sister’s great attributes as inspiration did she realize that there was nothing to compare in the first place.
Overcoming negative comparisons starts with knowing that one’s success isn’t our loss; and one’s loss isn’t our success. Letting go of feelings of comparison happens when we realize that we can use another woman’s success to positively fuel our own, and when we see someone’s wins and highs as a tool to magnify our own possibilities.
The Negative Effects of Comparisons: Fueling the Bad
But like what I mentioned earlier, this isn’t an ideal world, and feelings of comparisons are likely to stick around. Unfortunately, there is another choice – letting negative emotions towards other women dictate us in doing things that we are not proud of.
When we choose to let another’s advantages to highlight what’s missing in our life, instead of reminding us of what amazing things we can do in our life, it’s easy to fall into gossips, backbiting, and alienating other women. Not kind.
The negative effects of jealousy and envy don’t stop at hurting other women, the not-so-pleasant results of envy also hurts us.
It can make us feel discontent.
It can make us feel ashamed of ourselves.
It can degrade our successes.
It can make us bitter.
It can make us do things we don’t usually do.
It can cause sadness and depression.
It could result in a loss of true, genuine friendships that you could’ve relied on.
6 Ways to Overcome Jealousy, Envy, and Competition in Your Female Group
The good news is there are proven ways to stop jealousy and envy from taking control of your life’s wheel. We know what a jealous heart can do to us, yet we still spend hours comparing and feeling bad because we think we’re not as successful as others.
It’s time to break free from the effects of envy and comparisons. Here are six gentle reminders for you.
1/ Realize That You’re On Different Paths
A friend of mine used to confide to me that she always feels awful when a female friend, or a random girl on Facebook posts career achievements and milestones.
She would always look at her life and say “Well, I’d want their life…” But when she dug deeper, she realized she only envies success but she’s not ready to bargain her life and journey with other ladies.
Each of us has different life paths and purposes. Wouldn’t you think it’s silly if I, a Reiki Master Teacher and Energy Healer, constantly compares my life to my best girlfriend, a lawyer? We do different things and we’re pursuing different paths.
Knowing that we are carving our own journey helps take our focus on someone else’s life back to where it truly belongs: our own life.
2/ Understand that You Can Get the Best Support From A Friend You Admire
My favorite reminder goes like this: “Look at the women you admire and see the possibilities that could happen in your life…”
The established women you associate with can help you create your success in life. Ask them for help. Consider them your mentor and not your competition and you’ll learn notable things that will help you on your journey.
3/ Focus On Your Life’s Moments
And let me repeat because it is that important, the grass will always seem greener on the other side…especially if you focus on it more than your own lawn.
It can be the same with life. The more we focus on other people, the more we’re going to miss out being present on our own life path. The more we’re consumed with jealousy and envy, the more we can forget to take care of our own green lawns.
As we focus on our life’s little successes, we will start to see our journey through better lenses. We find joy in our own achievements, without getting overpowered by negative emotions.
4/ Remind Yourself That Nobody Has It All
Most of the time, we tend to see another’s life as perfect – no flaws, no challenges, no hardships. We see social media influencers jet setting from one country to another, and friends who seem to be unstoppable in their businesses.
It’s easy to feel like we’re lost, and we’re never going to measure up.
But here’s the thing – we don’t see what happens in the background. We don’t see their struggles. We don’t witness the tears or their own inferiorities.
We always tend to compare our backstage story to their highlight reels..without knowing what goes behind.
Let’s be kind to ourselves by not striving to measure up on social media perfection.
5/ Celebrate the Success of Others
This may sound counterintuitive but it is in celebrating other people that we find peace. By being genuinely happy for others, we also come to an acceptance that they are not our competition. They’re the same as us, women who are striving in their journey.
6/ Be Generous
Not just with money, but with your time and your knowledge. It is through helping that we get a clear vision of people and life, we’re all the same, we’re all working on something, and we’re going through tough times. When we set aside the wall of envy and competition, we can foster better relationships with our female friends and family members.
Only a few things in life come close to a genuine relationship with fellow women. By setting aside jealousy, envy, and competition, we give ourselves the gift of enjoying life with strong, powerful women who can lift us up.
